kami garcia

Show Me What I'm Looking For

I'm in the cave of revisions & it's a dark place. I woke up with song in my head. Does that ever happen to you? It happens to me all the time. Songs are like poetry - the kind of thinking I do best. This song is from Ethan's Playlist, but today it's on mine. Here's the verse I can't shake. Everything means something.

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
To save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused

Show me what I'm looking for

- Carolina Liar, "Show Me What I'm Looking For"

The Cave of Revisions

This is the Cave of Revisions. Every writer's cave looks a little different, but this is mine. And it's where I've been all summer. But this week was different - this week, I barely came out.

What is it like in the cave? That's what my friends want do know. What do you do in there?

Short Answer: I write.

Yesterday, I worked from 9:00-4:00. I only got off my couch to use the bathroom and get Diet Coke. I did not: eat, answer the phone (unless it was Margie), watch TV, or hang out on Twitter. All I did was revise. I was in the Zone.

People keep asking if we're almost done, and the truth is... I don't know. It's tricky to figure out when you're done, and sometimes when it seems like we are, Margie and I tear the draft apart at the seams. We haven't done that this round, but you never know.

The only thing I can compare it to is trying to find the right song. You know, the one that expresses exactly how you feel? The one that was MADE for you.

When I read the draft & it's done, it feels like I've found that perfect song. But you're also choosing it for your readers, which complicates things.

So we stick to one basic rule: Don't give readers what they want. Give them what they need.

my forest of hands and teeth

I love The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan, but it's becoming a metaphor for my life. I'm convinced waiting for your first round of editorial notes is a little like wandering through the Forest of Hands and Teeth, Unconsecrated notes that may eat your book alive waiting at every hole in the fence. The hands of the pen reaching out to pull me into the void of the Forest of Indecision.

What to keep?
What to cut?
My mind will become as empty as useless as the minds of the Unconsecrated.
What if I get lost in the Forest of Hands and Teeth of editing? Never to be seen again?

a great poem

- Walt Whitman, handwriting  Sabrina Ward Harrison

If you don't know about SWH, you should read this post.

This got me thinking. What makes a great poem? Is it the prose, or the feeling you have while reading it. For me, it's the latter.

I've filled journals upon journals with poetry since I was a kid, and I always come back to the short ones. The ones that can capture a felling or an idea, in just a moment.

Say good-bye to the woman
we once knew
Don't need her anymore
Take her with you

- Unearthed from my journals, 1998


HERE IN THIS MOMENT
I'M GONNA VIBE WITH NO ONE ELSE
THERE IS  A CONVERSATION I NEED TO HAVE WITH ME
IT'S JUST A MOMENT TO MYSELF

- MACY GRAY, "A MOMENT TO MYSELF"

What about you? What's your favorite short poem? Or better yet, write one. I'm going to choose my favorite on Friday, May 15th & send you a little something from the Caster Girls (Sorry, we don't have any Beautiful Creatures ARCs.)

blank wall

This is it. The blank wall in my dining room I was referring to. (M said, "What blank wall???)
Technically, I guess it isn't blank; but it's enough blank space to distract me while J & J have the draft. It's maddening to know they're reading it, without having any idea what their initial impressions are.

This is the phone conversation they have in my imagination:

JH: Is this the draft, or is this SPAM?
JS: I think they've lost their minds. Let's fly them in and admit them to a facility for observation.
JH: Then who will re-write the draft?
JS: Call Joss Whedon. He'll step in. Maybe we can lock them in those sleep pods they have in Dollhouse. What do you think?
JH: Kami's strong. Let's come up with another alternative.
JS: We can say they were lost at sea, while signing ARCs on a Carnival cruise.
JH: Done.

...................................

This is the reason I need a project when we aren't writing. So I'm going to paint something for that wall wall - which if you stand in just the right spot - does appear to be blank. I'm thinking something stark, contemporary.

[ CY Twombly ]                                                      [ Alessandro Twombly ]

turning in the draft (a.k.a. - the great unknown)

<Pan's Labyrinth, Picturehouse/Warner Brothers >

We turned in the draft of Book 2 today to our editors, Jen & Julie, at Little, Brown. And this is how it feels. 

It's like staring into a place so frightening, yet enticing that you literally can't take a step. Don't get me wrong, Jen & Julie are incredibly supportive. They are not scary. But in a weird way, your editors become these surrogate parents that you are terrified to disappoint. You want their approval. You want them to see how hard you worked, to feel like you put everything you had into it. Because, in our case, we did.

Margie and I tortured ourselves over the draft (even though J & J remind us that it's a first draft). WE can't accept that. We want to give them everything we've got. Especially, after our experience with BC. We learned so much from them & we want them to see the difference.

The draft is also the beginning of Book 2. The beginning of what all of you will eventually read, and that's even more pressure. Because for those of you who fall in love with Beautiful Creatures (hopefully), we don't want to disappoint you the second time around. We want Book 2 to be everything you will hope for after reading BC - a sequel worthy of the praise and loyalty so many of you have already shown us.

So now, I have to distract myself. As any Southerner would say, 'Idle hands are the Devil's helpers, right?' So what will I be doing besides:

~ driving Margie crazy?

~ reorganizing every closet and drawer in my house?

~ finishing Prophecy of the Sisters, Fragile Eternity, and a stack of other books?

~ hatching secret plans?

~ twittering away?

I'll be painting a new painting for this semi-blank wall in my LR. (Margie is saying, 'What blank wall, you lunatic?') But I don't have a choice. I'll go stir crazy if I don't do it. So stay tuned... 

I also have a surprise post for Monday, featuring someone we know and love. (No hints.)

publishing virgin

<whatapic>

Dazed and confused -that's what it's like when the publication of your first book is imminent. (at least for me)

For those of you who love Letterman, here's the:

Top Ten Stupidest Questions You Ask Your Agent, Editors, Writing Partner (Margie), or Blog Girls (at least if you're me):

10. They want to buy the book? Are you sure? (to agent)

9. Can they change their minds? (to agent and M after offer was accepted)

8. How long could to edit the book? A Month? (to M)

7. What's this? (in reference to the 5 page, single-spaced editorial letter for the draft) Do we have to do all this? (both to M)

6. What's an ARC? (to M & agent)

5. There's another edit???? (to M)

4. What are the first pass pages? (to editors)

3. Can we ask to go to DC, so I can get my friends from elementary school to show up for the signing? (This was to avoid a signing, at which M & me would be the only ones in attendance.) (to M)

2. What is a TweetDeck? Do I need this? (to M, who always knows these thing before me)

1. Melissa Marr & Michelle Zink are reading OUR book??? (to all of the above)

At this point, you may be thinking that if I'm this stupid, I shouldn't be allowed to have my book published. I prefer to consider myself a publishing virgin. In my defense, I've spent the last 13 years holed up in classrooms teaching.  (These things didn't come up in there.)

I've decided that when your first book is being published, you should be assigned a mentor whose sole responsibility is to remediate - you know, help you catch up to the rest of the class. In addition to Sarah, Courtney, Jen, Julie & Margie - Pseudonymous Bosh, Melissa Marr, Michelle Zink & Vania have been helping out. (I have LOTS of questions.)

So far today, Michelle had to explain what an RSS feed was and how to link my blog to Amazon, and Vania had to help me find our mention in PW.

I think I might be a lot of work. (Marg, you don't get to weigh-in on that.)

cutting: a.k.a. wrecking the draft

<www.losangeles.af.mil>

So here's how it goes with us...

We have 439 pages of Book 2 finished, and our draft is due next week (in other scenarios with BC an edit due).  It's done, right?  That's what sane people would assume, but Margie and I operate a little differently.  One of us calls the other (usually M calls me) and the conversation goes something like this.

M: I've been reading the draft and something keeps bothering (at this point, I know what's coming, or she does). There's a problem with _________ (the arc, the end, an event that defies everything pure and true about the universe). 

[At this point, we agree because when the wrecking ball is about to strike, we pull it back together.]

M: I know you're not going to want to hear this (which, at this point I know I don't), but I think we have to cut  ____________ (chapter x, the flying monkey, the 18 original song samples we wrote for Link's band). Whatever it is, it is undoubtedly my FAVORITE chapter or flying monkey.

K: We're not cutting that. The problem is bigger than that.

M: I agree, but I think it starts with the flying monkey. Think about it.

We hang up. 20 minutes go by (it's only takes 20 minutes because usually we both knew this was coming. I call back.

K (or M, depending on who initiated the wrecking ball sequence - which CANNOT be stopped once set in motion): Okay, we'll cut the the flying monkey (or chapter x). But that means we have to restructure the entire ________ (beginning, middle, or end).

M: Can we do that? 

K: *sigh* Yes.

M: Okay, I'll start on Y, while you re-cut.

[ It doesn't matter who starts the sequence, it's like the button in Lost. You have to keep pushing it. ]

So M is hard at work on Y, and I'm supposed to be re-cutting. If you're not a writer, re-cutting is the equivalent of deciding you want to renovate the second floor of your house without touching the first or third floors. AND you want to live in the house during the remodel.

Generally, I am not a procrastinator. EXCEPT when it comes to re-cutting. Today, while I was supposed to be working, I swapped Tweets with Michelle Zink (yes, Prophecy of the Sisters Michelle Zink), and bloggers: Kristi a.k.a. the Story Siren, Tizah,  the Compulsive Reader, Vania of Reverie Media & Adele of Persnickety Snark & hung out the Caster Girls.

(Of course, M knows I'm not working because she is getting the Tweets at fencing.)

So, now I have to do it. Wish me Luck.

how to get through the last 2 weeks

The last two weeks of a draft or an edit are rough. This is how my day goes:
Up at 6:30 to teach in the morning.
Preschool pick up at 12:30.
Bribe my son into taking a nap. My daughter is younger, translation: more compliant for now.
Remind my son 8-10 times to take a nap.
Write while my kids nap (2 hours if I'm lucky).
Think of a moderately creative (emphasis on moderately) activity that usually results in a huge mess and requires 2 Diet Cokes.
Make dinner = How often can you eat tacos, spaghetti, and stir fry? In two weeks, that would be 4.3 times each.
A comes home & takes over, because it is the last two weeks.
Write until 12 or 1 in the morning.
Get up at 6:30 in the morning the next day.

So clearly, I have a secret. Because I actually require a lot of sleep, so this is a nightmarish schedule.
Here it is...

The Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwich.
It has more calories than an entire meal, and I won't tell you how many I've eaten in the last 2 weeks.
But I will tell you that they sell them at 7-11 & Long's drugstore.
Find your car keys now.

the end

< Larry West - www.botropolis.com >

The end of the book is hardest and the easiest part to write. It's a sprint. 

Once I get to a certain point, I could write the whole thing in a day, in one sitting. If I didn't teach in the mornings. If I didn't have kids.

But even though I can't write for a day straight, it's a compulsion and I just can't stop until we get there. To the end. Because I want it to end in a specific way. To create a specific feeling.

There's a moment at the end. Maybe it's the last page, or the last paragraph, or the last line. 

But it's a beat. And for me, a book is nothing without that beat.

It's what makes you cry, or hold your breath, or reread it over and over again.

It's the end you can't forget.